like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize