Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
