apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
