Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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I have fence marks all over my body
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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