Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things