So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.