I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.