She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
