You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"