Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.