my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
