if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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