I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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