I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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