I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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