First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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