My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i already hear my dad disowning me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Enjoy the penises
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
