i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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