I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
