i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
