You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
