is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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