I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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