She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
