I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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