I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
