My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
