Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
