I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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