plz talk dirty to me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We got so high we made milksteak
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
