giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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