I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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