Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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