I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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