I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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