chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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