shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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