so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
