White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
