I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
