i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
