I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
