i think i have two assholes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
