I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
