How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
