She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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