just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
