Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
