remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
