you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
