i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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