my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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