No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
