and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
