If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
