Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
