His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
