I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
