Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
