Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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