Yo dont text me then not text me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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