So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
